A Professor And His Students - Funny Short Stories In English 2022

 

While visiting England, George is invited to tea with the Queen. In conversation, he asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says she surround sherself with intelligent people, which helps her to make wise decisions. He asks how she knows if the people around her are intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony and asks, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony responds, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse to the White House and says, "Jesse, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" "Umm, so like... your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Jesse onders the question for several minutes and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Jesse leaves. He immediately calls a meeting with the other senior senators and they puzzle over the question for several hours but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Jesse calls Colin at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here Mr. Colin, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Colin answers immediately, "It's me of course." Much relieved, Jesse rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong you, It's Tony!"

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table. The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal's body." For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow's anal cavity, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. "Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you," the professor says. Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson... "Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow's cavity, and I sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention." The moral: Life's tough, but it's even tougher when you're stupid.